Out of Control

All of the memories that are within my mind,
Hurt me too much to just leave them behind.
It doesn't matter how hard I try to forget,
Cause you always find a way to make me upset.

You carve your harsh words into my delicate heart,
While playing the victim as I'm falling apart.
You don't care about the pain you put me through,
Or the fact that I wanted to die because of you.

For every single tear that I have ever shed,
And for all those words that were left unsaid.
It's unbelievable how I've become so empty,
I never imagined that this would happen to me.

Pointless steps forward lead to more mistakes,
Another cold night with pounding headaches.
Salty tears start to fill up my dark brown eyes,
And I know I can't keep hiding behind my disguise.

Scars from my past remind me that I'm weak,
Cause the help that I need I'm afraid to seek.
I can't help but think that I am out of control,
That there's a missing puzzle piece from my soul.

How do I stay strong when I know you'll walk away,
Not caring about all the things that I have to say.
I'm Spinning out of control; All because of you,
You left me here to fade away; Now I can't get through.

Don't Tell Me You Understand

What if you saw my arm one day
And all those bloody trails?
Will you be able to understand why
I cut when all else fails?

Would you tell me to stop the cutting
Because what I do is wrong?
Will you try to convince me again
That I'm really very strong?

Will you tell me otherwise
When I say "you won't understand"?
Answer me this question
Have you sat with a knife in your hand?

Have you even contemplated
Or thought about suicide?
Do you have any f u c k ed up emotions
That you always try to hide?

Have you ever lost best friends
Because of the blade of a f u c k ing knife?
Are you stuck in deep depression
Always trying to end your life?

Do you have the scars I have
That decorate your wrist?
And if you try to smile
Do you smile with a twist?

How about all that precious blood
That's keeping you alive?
Do you shed it every night
Making it difficult to survive?

Have you ever stayed up late
While endless tears you cried?
Have you felt that horrible feeling
Like part of you just died?

Have you ever taken drugs
So the time will just pass by?
Have you found yourself to think
How perfect it'll be to die?

Have you attempted suicide so much
That you've already lost count?
Will even the tears you've ever cried
Add up to that amount?

If you try to help me out
Don't assume you know how I feel
The truth is you can't mend my heart
And you can't make my cuts heal

So just answer all these questions
Before you give me any advice
Just think it over clearly
Think it over twice

Already Dead

Lonely and hurt,
Broken I remain
Residing in hell,
living in pain

Masked by lies,
I slowly fade away;
The nightmare I live with,
each and every day

The meaning of it all,
to which my mind attends
Has not one answer
that I fully comprehend

The bottom of my mind
holds the answers which I call;
I keep reaching towards it
in this never-ending fall

"Stay strong and keep going,
it's never too late"...
No one seems to realize
that it's not worth the wait

There's no such thing
as help outside of your mind,
It's you against yourself,
with your demons intertwined

It's a battle, hard fought,
but never to be won...
Either way you end up losing
when it's all said and done

"Too late" came and passed
and, of me, nothing more
I wrote my own ending,
and I shut my own door

"Live your life to its fullest"
that's what they all said,
But what's the point in trying
when you're already dead?