Suicide

suicide, suicide stamped in my brain
suicide, suicide can't feel no pain
suicide, suicide close my eyes tight
suicide, suicide tell them goodnight
suicide, suicide grab my blade
suicide, suicide let my life fade 

suicide, suicide put down my note
suicide, suicide let my life float... 

Let Me Say Goodbye

Dear God it’s me again
hear me pray as I lie on my bed
tell me is this the end
is it worth the pain I’ve bled
Are you there do you hear me
I have so much to tell you
I can’t stand what I’ve come to be
and I don’t know if I’ll make it through
Why did you make me this way
why am I so depressed
God, I don’t want to stay
let me leave this mess
See my pain and the tears I’ve cried
don’t you hear me at all
God you know how much I’ve tried
so please just let me fall
You have seen the cut I made on my arm
why didn’t you stop me
if you are not there I’ll continue my self-harm
please just set me free
I’m begging you, I can’t take anymore
why won’t you just let me die
when death is all I long for
so please God, just let me say goodbye

Restless Night

Morning so far away...
in bed is where she lay...
in the door way, where he loomed...
he emits a shadow across the room...
he enters with such silence...
that even bells would be impotent...
on his knee, by her bed..
his hand on her thy and on her head...
intentions so perverse...
doesn't know what to do first...
his eyes, they roam...
made him glad they were alone...
one who can't control the need...
afraid of where it might lead...
she lie in the bed there awake...
knowing not what to do, but fake...
skin tremors beneath his touch...
loves the way she feels so much...
taking over, the demons within...
does all but stop, committing the sin...
in her mind, screams for help...
while every curve of her, he felt...
violating her every way...
leaves to come back another day...
in her bed, she never sleeps...
for she knows late at night he creeps...
into her room, into her bed...
the demons with her, willingly he fed...
this man, so wicked and sick...
every inch of her he licked...
making her fear to wake...
to the morning to yet again fake...
that it never happened, it was all a dream...
but in her mind, she silently screams...
"save me mom, cant you see?"
"this man you love, is killing me..." 

Disregard My Death

What a pretty vein you are,
So beautifully long and blue,
What would they say,
If I were to cut you?
They would probably say,
Does she know what this could bring?
Does anyone know,
Why she did that awful thing?
And I’d just sit there and smile,
Hoping no one would ask if I was ok,
Praying that I can make it,
Slowly through another day,
My tears silently flow,
From my burning eyes,
They fall to my heart,
Where my soul truly lies,
This is my cry,
My silent plead for help,
I need a strong hand,
To help pull me out,
My vein is bleeding,
Dripping down my shirt,
And the thing is,
It doesn’t even hurt,
I know that I am dying,
This is my last breath,
I don’t want to inconvenience anyone,
So just disregard my death. 

Her Darkness Within

Bloodshot eyes in tears
Painkillers in her hand
Why she wishes to die
They will never understand

A razor blades touch
Feels like kissing her skin
And as her sweet blood drops
Her pain will ease within

Darkness surrounding her
Eating up her broken soul
Depression took her heart
And took over the control

Trapped and forever caged
In her own self hate
No one tried to safe her
And now it is too late

Suicidal dreams in mind
Locked up in this hell
Secrets remains silent
She swore to never tell

Emptiness in her eyes
Shows so much sorrow
Filled up with pain and hate 

Eternal Sleep

On her knees she prays
With tears in her eyes
"Let this be my last day
Where I have to tell lies"

Her wrists are bleeding
Red tears drops to the floor
"Why did I give in again?
I can't do this anymore"

Her eyes are already dead
As well as her soul inside
"Please just kill me now
So my wounds I wont hide"

Temptations from the blade
Is what she can not resist
"Please just take me away
So I won't again cut my wrists"

After her pleading prayer
She fell into eternal sleep
The next day she was dead
From her cuts so deep

I'll Be Smiling When I Fall

Hollow thoughts run through my mind
A depressed figure before my eyes
She hides all that she really is
The cuts, bruises, and the cries

She never shows who she really is
She always hides behind her disguise
All the while everyone is convinced
That she's all real, no lies

Beautifully scarred, carefully covered
Tear stained face, bloodshot eyes
Purple bruises, painful fists
Thinning waist, silent cries

Sad but true, this is the way she is
She's changed from the person we always used to see
She longs for someone to change her back
Back into the person she used to be

Her body is covered in beautiful cuts
The rest covered in scars carefully hidden
Her tear stained face so perfect and pure
Holds the deepest, darkest secrets forbidden

Her bloodshot eyes are so cold and so distant
She makes it impossible to see into her heart
She's made herself immune to the pain
Caused from her heart slowly falling apart

Her purple bruises that give her skin radiance
Are caused by his  clenched fists
It's all a reaction because the pain also shows
When she carves the radiance onto her wrists

She sits in her room all day and night
Getting thinner by the day from refusing to eat
She locks herself in her tiny closet
From fear of always getting beat

She cries in the closet but no one hears
For her cries go unheard all the while
And when she leaves her little world
She always manages to put on a smile

She stares into her mirror in disbelief
Looking at the girl who stares back into her eyes
This girl with cuts, bruises and her slowly thinning waist
This girl who constantly wishes she dies

As I stare at this girl everyday
I slowly begin to feel her pain
But then I see that this girl is really me
And I'm living this life in vain

Disgusted of the person I’ve become
This depression is stuck within me like a curse so black
Trapped within the blood flowing through my veins
Preventing me from ever changing back

I turn away from the image before my eyes
I look for my silver blade in my drawer
It glints at me, as though it’s smiling
The urge so strong, impossible to ignore

“Come out my friend, it’s time to play”
I pick up my blade and push the tip through
My own little way of coping with everything
It’s my favorite thing to do

As I sit and watch the blood redden more
I feel the most subtle, most precious pain
I feel the warm blood trickle over my skin
I feel the hatred burning through my vein

In my make believe world of red skies and red rivers
I sit motionless beneath a red willow
I come back to myself, sitting on my bloody bed
With my face pressed deep down into the pillow

Once again this girl is so messed up
I look into her bloodshot eyes, leaking tears
I can tell she never wanted to end up this way
She’s turned into one of my life’s greatest fears

Why does this girl have to be me?
I hate seeing myself suffer this way
I’m unable to escape from this lasting depression
The depression only worsens day by day

In my room I slowly fall apart and drown in my tears
I fall faster into a deep hole so dark
My only way of getting out of this hole
Causes my arm to be covered in red marks

My porcelain face is stained by black tears
A sign that I have fallen apart once more
But when I leave this sanctuary of mine
I will have the smile I had before

So no matter how depressed I may be inside
I will never let my pain show
I may fall and be broken in every way
And you will never know

My depression is known to only me and that girl
It is unknown to my friends, family and all
And with this disguise that I always wear
I’ll still be smiling when I fall